When he cried, I steel myself although I felt a piercing stab in my chest that hurts so bad that I shook.

Perhaps my heart is cold. Perhaps he was right.

Maybe I expected too much from you my dear. Perhaps I was just a person who is dying for your affection and attention that I felt lost when you casually live our lives with not much of it. Maybe I wanted to be pampered so much not by the materialistic stuff you adorn me with, but with just your priceless time that seems to always be taken up by some sort of issues that you 'have no choice' with.

I got so numb by the fact that the love has been stagnant, that I got used to it. And I got used to the fact that you're away most of the time. And the fact that my messages and calls are very ordinary. It felt wrong and I didn't want that.

And now when I finally needed my life, things suddenly seemed so precious to you.

Yes. I am heartbroken. I believe it is more of sadness. I believe it is the fear of fact that you might hate me. That you may never forgive me. Or worse...that I may never see you or care about you again. Indeed, breakups brings the ugliness out of people.

Honestly, I am not in a good spot right now. Even my mum gets teary eyed when she spoke to me yesterday. My best friend cried. And I have people asking me ..."Why must you do this? How can you do this?"

Its sad that no one has really managed to get through me and asks if this is really what I wanted. If I thought this is truly right. And no one has really managed to believe me.

But I do not blame them. For he truly is a wonderful guy. I blame myself.

In the words of my mother... "I believe someone will do this to you someday."
I fear that.